Section Editor: Dr. H.V.Ramakrishna
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ANALOG	what Ana tosses into the fire
APPLE	Arrogance Produces Profit Losing Entity
ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE	put tab A into slot B, then put tab C...
AUDIT TRAIL	what the IRS does
ADVANCED DESIGN	The advertising agency doesn't understand it
ALL NEW	Parts not interchangeable with previous design
ALL SOLID-STATE	Heavy as Hell!
A MAINFRAME	The biggest PC peripheral available.
BANDWIDTH	limited by the size of the stage
BATTERY BACKUP	going in reverse in a golf cart
BASIC	Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
BENCHMARK	what happens when your saw hits the bench
BREAKTHROUGH	We finally figured out a way to sell it
BROADCAST QUALITY	Gives a picture and produces noise
BUILT TO PRECISION TOLERANCES	We finally got it to fit together
CACHE MEMORY	remembering how much you spent
CARRIER DETECT	"I see the mail man!"
CASE	24 bottles
CD-ROM	Consumer Device Rendered Obsolete in Months
CONTROL CHARACTER	prison guard
CONVENTIONAL MEMORY	remembering what you did at COMDEX
COPYRIGHT	vs. copy wrong
CURSOR	a garbage mouth
COMPUTER	A device designed to speed and automate errors.
CUSTOMER SERVICE ACROSS THE COUNTRY	You can return it from most airports
DAISY CHAIN	a dog's leash
DAT	the opposite of DIS
DEC	Do Expect Cuts
DOS	Defunct Operating System
DESIGNED SIMPLICITY	Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone
DIRECT SALES ONLY	Factory had big argument with distributor
DISTINCTIVE	A different shape and color than the others
EDCDIC	similar to herpes
ESCAPE SEQUENC	Distract guard. Dig tunnel. Cut throw fence...
ETHERNET	used to catch Ether
ETHERNET (N)	something used to catch the ether bunny
EXCLUSIVE	Imported product
FIXED DISK	a broken disk that comes back from the shop
FLAT FILE	a file with all the air out of it
FULL DUPLEX	a 2-family house with 16 occupants
FIELD-TESTED	Manufacturer lacks test equipment
FOOLPROOF OPERATION	No provision for adjustments
FUTURISTIC	No other reason why it looks the way it does
GROUPWARE	clothes swapping
HACKER	a heavy smoker
HIGH DENSITY DISKETTE	a very stupid floppy
HOME COMPUTER	what you tell your computer when it follows you
HYPERTEXT	text on amphetamines
HAND-CRAFTED	Assembly machines operated without gloves on
HIGH ACCURACY	Unit on which all parts fit
HIGH RELIABILITY	We made it work long enough to ship it
IBM	I Blame Microsoft
IBM	Industry's Biggest Menace
IBM	Inferiorly Built Machine
IBM	I befriended Microsoft (remember 1980?)
INK JET	a plan used for sky writing
INTEGRATED CIRCUIT	a circuit with black & white components
ISDN	It Still Does Nothing
IT'S HERE AT LAST!	Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
LATEST AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY	One of our tech was laid off by Boeing
LOCAL BUS	stops at every intersection
MACHINE DEPENDENCY	an affliction of machine users
MAG TAPE	tape used on the wheels of cars
MAIN MEMORY	remembering where the water line is
MATH COPROCESSOR	the person you cheated from in math class
MEGAFLOP	the worst play you ever saw
MINICOMPUTER	the pier to Mickey's computer
MODEM	what the gardener did to the lawns
MODEM	Monumentally Overpriced Data Eating Machine
MULTI-SYNC	can be sunk more than once
MAINTENANCE-FREE	Impossible to fix
MEETS ALL STANDARDS	Ours, not yours
MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED	Does things we can't explain
MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS	We got a good deal at a government auction
NATIVE MODE	head hunting
NEW	Different color from previous design
NEW GENERATION	Old design failed, ma y be this one will work
ON-LINE	where the birds sit
OS/2	Obsolete Soon, Too
OVERLAY	chickens making too many eggs
PCMCIA	People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
PENTIUM	the thing that swings back-and-forth on a clock
PLOTTER	a deceitful person
POSTSCRIPT	grafitti on a pole
PERFORMANCE PROVEN	Will operate through the warranty period
PROGRAMMER	A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
RECORD LOCKING	what you do to your Beetle White Album
RE-DESIGNED	Previous faults corrected, we hope...
REVOLUTIONARY	It's different from our competitors
RIGHT JUSTIFIED	vs. wrongly justified
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED	Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check
SMPTE BUS COMPATIBLE	When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound
SCSI	System Can't See It
SOFTWARE PIRACY	stealing a ship's program
STREAMING TAPE	party decorations
SUBROUTINE	not quite routine
TOKEN RING	a group of people passing the bong
UNMATCHED	Almost as good as the competition
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE	Nothing we ever had before worked THIS way
UPGRADE	Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
USER	n.: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." (Dave Barry)
WORD WRAP	black music
WWW	World Wide wait
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT	We finally got one that works
YMODEM	because, modem

Section Editor: Dr. H.V.Ramakrishna
If you have an entry for this section, please send an e-mail to section editor by clicking on the name above.