The Original

          She seemed to commune silently with spirits only she knew were there as she watched the tall grass rustle softly in the breeze, and felt the warmth of the sun shine down on her wheat-colored hair, as she began to sing softly.

Rice's Revision

          Watching the tall grass rustle softly in the breeze, and feeling the warmth of the sun shine down on her wheat-colored hair, she seemed to commune silently with spirits only she knew were there, then she began to sing softly.